Just like a waving flag…

This song was written by an artist from Somalia, and it does such a poignant job of expressing the sad histories of almost all African nations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5Th7UH1-rU

When I get older, they'll call me freedom
Just like a Waving Flag.

[Chorus]
When I get older, I will be stronger,
They'll call me freedom, just like a Waving Flag,
And then it goes back (3X)

Born to a throne, stronger than Rome
But violent prone, poor people zone,
But it's my home, all I have known,
Where I got grown, streets we would roam.
But out of the darkness, I came the farthest,
Among the hardest survival.
Learn from these streets, it can be bleak,
Accept no defeat, surrender retreat,

So we struggling, fighting to eat and
We're wondering when we'll be free,
So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,
It's not far away, so for now we say

[Chorus]
When I get older, I will be stronger,
They'll call me freedom, just like a Waving Flag,
And then it goes back (3X)

So many wars, settling scores,
Bringing us promises, leaving us poor,
I heard them say, love is the way,
Love is the answer, that's what they say,
But look how they treat us, Make us believers,
We fight their battles, then they deceive us,
Try to control us, they couldn't hold us,
Cause we just move forward like Buffalo Soldiers.

So we struggling, fighting to eat and
We're wondering when we'll be free,
So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,
It's not far away, so for now we say

It is such a sad but honest cry to the corrupt governments and outsiders that have stripped a continent that is so rich in resources to be the poorest area of the planet. Wars, colonization, slavery, selfishness, and corruption have touched and damaged nearly every country in Africa. However, this song was rewritten this year to be the anthem of the Soccer World Cup, which was held in South Africa just next door to us, and the lyrics to THAT version go as follows: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBD9h0jUq3w&feature=related

Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher
See the champions, take the field now, you define us, make us feel proud
In the streets our heads are lifting, as we lose our inhibition,
Celebration, it surrounds us, every nation, all around us

Singing forever young, singing songs underneath that sun
Lets rejoice in the beautiful game,
And together at the end of the day.

We all say

When I get older I will be stronger
They'll call me freedom, just like a wavin' flag
And then it goes back (3X)

Since soccer is such a popular sport here, and since the song is quite catchy, our boys on the center were constantly singing it. I noticed when I let the kids borrow my guitar they had learned how to play it. While it isn't a bad song, it still made me a little sad because before this the only music they ever played was worship and Christian music, and now they were all gathering around the guitar to sing this soccer song together. So, since it does have such a catchy tune, I rewrote the lyrics to be my own Christian parody (more a parody of the soccer version than the original, and sorry, no YouTube link for it):

You're my freedom, You're my fire, Take me Jesus, take me higher

You're the champion of the battle, You refine us, make us pure gold

In the streets we live Your mission, bring Your hope to all the children

Adoration, it surrounds us, Every nation and tongue will join us

Singing around the throne, singing worship to You alone

Lets rejoice that You came to save

And together give You praise

We all sing

When I am weaker, You will be stronger

Love is Your banner over us like a flag

Until You come back (3X)

I just taught it to the boys today, and you should have seen their faces! Their grins were so big, that they could take this song they loved and now praise God with it! They laughed and were eager to learn it, so I printed out several copies for them. Hopefully soon I'll be hearing it often around the base :-).

Faithful

If You came back today

Would You find me faithful with all that You gave me to do?

How did I live day to day?

Did the talents You gave me bring glory to You?

Did I learn how to love the unlovely?

Did I stop to help a stranger in need?

Did I put others first, lay down my pride?

Did I give myself completely?

I want to be found faithful

I want to hear You say, "My servant, well done"

I want to be found faithful

I want to see more of Your Kingdom come

Tenderhearted

Ephesians 4:31a-32
Get rid of all bitterness… Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Philippians 2:1, 3b, 5
Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate?... Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves… You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Colossians 3:12-13
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

1 Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.

God has been prompting me lately to keep a tender heart. You wouldn't believe how hard that can be. It's so easy to get hardened, calloused, bitter, and angry. Here's an example:

Just the other day one of our workers came to the door asking Jon if we could "loan" him some money for his wife's school fees. I instantly shut down on the inside; last year we gave out hundreds of dollars in "loans," and only one person—one—ever paid us back. One Mozambican even advised us, "Don't give loans. Either give a gift or don't, but certainly don't expect anything to come back." Many of the people we "loaned" money to, we never even saw again after the "loan," and even if we did see them they never once considered paying us back. We're white, white people don't need their money back because they have an endless supply, so they think. I also grew bitter about using our personal money to give "loans" to the workers, because they already receive so much more in their salaries than most other people live on and they are allowed to get loans from the ministry. They are automatically upper-middle class citizens by having a minimum-wage job, because minimum wage is so high—they receive in about two months what most other people make in a year. This particular worker doesn't even have to pay for housing, because of a fluke of situation we bought him a nice house last year and he doesn't have to pay rent or anything (long story). I thought there was no way he could possibly need money above and beyond his salary for his wife's school fees, and I knew that what most people do is as soon as they receive their salary they'll spend it on nice clothes, cell phones, TVs, and other nonessential items, so that they can honestly go begging from the missionaries that they don't have any food in their houses and their families are starving, or in this case a deadline has come up for school fees, and all their money is gone.

As Jon reached for my wallet and explained it was a "loan," I muttered bitterly, "There's no such thing as a 'loan'."

"He said he'll pay back next month," Jon replied with what I considered gross naivety.

"You don't actually believe that, do you? They always say that, it never happens," I said.

"But I have to keep hoping," he responded. Somehow Jon has managed to keep his heart tender while mine has grown hard as stone.

It's not just "loans" and money, either. I've grown so hard in my view of people in general.

They're not really worshiping God. They just like having the microphone and being in the limelight.

People don't come to the conference for spiritual reasons, they're just here for the free food.

The evangelism team just uses the outreaches as a chance to hang out with their girlfriends.

That kid is a kleptomaniac who is never, ever going to change. He will just steal and steal and steal until he gets caught and thrown in jail or killed one of these days.

Even the pastors lie and steal every opportunity they get. They only became pastors because of the lure of power and money.

I guess if they were a perfect people, God wouldn't have called us here because they wouldn't need the gospel. Still, it's so hard to forgive, forgive, forgive, and show mercy, mercy, mercy. So hard.

"How many times must I forgive my brother?" Peter asked. "Up to seven times?" I'm sure he suggested the seven thinking it was quite generous. Not just two or three times, no, let's go extravagant and forgive up to seven times. I can keep count up to seven, and that is a lot of times for someone to blow it and still get off scot free.

"No," Jesus replied, "Seventy times seven." Four hundred ninety times. By which, of course, He meant infinitely. Who is actually going to keep count of almost five hundred offences and at the last one be able to say, "Okay, last forgiveness! After this, you're through!" One time a friend and I had a running joke for a few weeks of how many forgivenesses he had left for his random offences against me, but when I lost count he still had four hundred seventy-something to go.

Three of the four verses above mention tenderheartedness together with humility, which is obviously important. Pride doesn't want to forgive. Pride wants to keep a record of wrongs done. Pride hardens the heart against a repeat offender. It is a humble person indeed who can keep forgiving over and over and over again, and keep a heart tender enough to believe the best of everyone even still. To believe that they can change. To believe that when they say they'll "never do _____ again" that it's true. To believe that this "loan" will come back, that he's being honest. To not let bitterness set in.

I'm not there yet. I'm still struggling, fighting, daily taking up my cross to keep a tender heart, to put others first, to believe the best. Two of the verses above tell us why we should forgive: "Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

Boy, I'm glad God isn't keeping count of how many times He's had to forgive me. I'm sure I'm past even my four hundred ninety by now.

Every Word

So apparently I can write poetry in my sleep.

I just started reading a book about the civil war in Mozambique (1970's-early 1990's), and it is harrowing. It was nothing like the American civil war: two armies of soldiers, either volunteers or drafted, who meet each other in battle and fight until one side wins or surrenders. No. Here it was more like bands of raiders attacking innocent villages, raping women and girls, stealing everything of value (including all doors, windows, roofing material, electrical wiring, plumbing... everything), and killing the majority of the population and enslaving the rest to carry said stolen materials into neighboring countries to sell. The few who managed to escape would huddle in refugee camps throughout the country, dressed in tree bark since they had no clothes, usually starving and lacking clean water. Sometimes the rebel bands would even attack hospitals, killing the sick and injured, and even babies. No one was safe.

Even in my sleep last night I was haunted by some of the stories described in the book, the ruthlessness of the attacks. In my dream I was writing a poem about how I felt, and when I woke up I could remember most of it. Here it is...

Every Word

as I looked out
I started to sing
it was a song I had never heard before
yet I knew
every word
even though it had many verses
and even variations in the chorus

it was a sad song
played in a minor key

if you had come and stood beside me
you would also start to sing
though you, too, had never heard the song
we could sing in perfect unison
every word

how else but song can you describe
a battle with no heroes
where those who died—
were not soldiers
and those who lived—
will not live long

looking out across the scene
we would stand and sing together
in perfect unison
every word

for it is a song
called
Speechless

Communication, Yay!

So yeah, I think I forgot what a blog was for... It's for telling people what is going on or what you are thinking, not for writing a literary symphony complete with compelling arguments and beautifully scripted imagery. It's really easy to share when amazing things are going on and God is doing things all around you. It's another when you're just trying to hang on - God hasn't spoken to you in weeks and you're just hanging on to the last thing He said... But those are important to talk about too. As such, I'll try to write more often!

We went to Beira today, trying to get a couple things. However, even trying to get to the store is sometimes a challenge - this time it was because there is very little fuel in our area. The shortage has been happening since the beginning of the month. When we went to Malawi, we waited in line for 2.5 hours to get fuel in Tete, and even then we only got it because we were so luck and had God on our side. There was absolutely no fuel in our region yesterday, but we were able to get some just before going into town.

Then came the adventure of getting cash for pay day. Today was payday, but we had no money on base. We are trying to set up bank accounts with our workers so we can pay them through the bank, but we've been trying for 4 months and are still waiting on paperwork, so until those get set up we are still paying in cash. In addition, we ran out of checks and have to wait at least 2 weeks until we can get more. We stopped by at 9:30 and they weren't open yet, so we stopped by at 10:30. We were there until 11:15 filling out forms, then we had to go exchange the US dollars from the bank into Mozambican meticais. That took until 11:50, and all the stores close at 12 until 2 for lunch. However innefficient that sounds, at least we were able to get what we needed. Jeff, one of the other missionaries that works with us, spent the entire time going from shop to shop looking for one plumbing part but could not find it...

In other news, Pastor Jose (the national director) seems to have really helped our base out. He was only here for 3 days, but ever since, people are far more grateful and they complain less. Praise Jesus!

Hope, Faith, and Favor

Usually what keeps me going is having a number of moments where I stop and say, "Wow, this is why I am here!" Lately, however, I've been having a lot more moments where I stop and ask, "Wait, why am I here?" I was disheartened and discouraged with all my failings in my new roles and responsibilities. I'm finally starting to hear from God (something that has been hard my whole Christian life), but I never know it is God speaking until after I disregard what I heard, and then of course I have to suffer the consequences. Lots of stress. Frustration. Even things that used to give me joy felt like a burden.

Therefore I took a day off to hide, fast, pray, and really seek God's face. Did He really call me here, to this place, to do this work? Did I miss Him on His calling for my life? I always thought I would end up being an English-teaching missionary in Asia, how on earth did I find myself in charge of an orphanage in Africa? I was filled with doubt, exactly where the enemy wanted me.

Fortunately, it was an encouraging day with God. Somehow in the tears and surrender I was able to see through my hurts and into His heart. I learned three important lessons that day, about hope, faith, and favor.

My Bible bookmark was in Lamentations (odd, I wasn't reading Lamentations last time…), but this whole passage really spoke to my soul:

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!'

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.
And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline:

Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands.
Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last.
Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies.

For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow."

I couldn't help feeling these are promises spoken directly over my life. I believed them all as they washed over me like the fresh water of a waterfall, cleansing the wounds and washing off the dirt of the journey. There is hope! I can still dare to hope, knowing God is faithful, knowing His mercies begin afresh every morning.

Then I randomly started reading 1 Peter. Don't know why, I just felt like reading 1 Peter.

"I am writing to God's chosen people who are living as foreigners..." It's easy for me to skip over introductions and salutations and just get to the meat of the writing, but this time the salutation really hit me—it's written to me! I'm one of God's chosen people living as a foreigner in a strange land.

"God the Father knew you and chose you long ago, and his Spirit has made you holy. As a result, you have obeyed him and have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ." These verses made me feel personally commissioned, and also said that I obeyed. I didn't miss my calling. I was specifically chosen for this place, this work, these people. I am walking in His will for me after all.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." Again, I felt like the whole book was written and preserved through the centuries just so I could read it this day and draw hope from it. There is a reason and a purpose for my trials. I need them to test and deepen my faith!

 "You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy." This is a tough ministry to be a part of for someone who has never experienced earth-shattering, powerful encounters with God (someone like me). During our mission school, people were having visions of heaven, seeing God face to face, seeing angels, getting knocked out flat by the Holy Spirit, and after a while of experiencing nothing personally I started wondering if I was even saved! This verse has kept me going. I have never experienced God in the strong ways other people seem to be able to, but I still trust Him. I guess somehow that makes my faith more blind and more precious to Him, even though I honestly would rather have the visions and experiences. Even though I don't see Him, He still sees me and cares that I keep going in spite of the lack of stupendous experiences.

Jon suggested I go through my mission school notes, so I did. I was hit afresh with a message of Heidi Baker about favor. We may think we want favor from God, but do we really know what we're asking for?

"Gabriel appeared to her and said, 'Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you!' Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. 'Don't be afraid, Mary,' the angel told her, 'for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!'"

Mary found favor with God, and it turned her life upside-down. I taught in a high school in the States for a while and had at least 1-2 pregnant girls in each class—it's not a big deal to us anymore to see girls pregnant out of wedlock, but in Mary's time it was the biggest shame imaginable. She could have been stoned for promiscuity and adultery. And it wasn't like she could hide her "favor" either—it was obvious to the world, humiliating, embarrassing, and shaming. And what a story to tell people! "No really, God made me pregnant! I'm still a virgin!" Right, Mary. If they had mental institutions back then they may have considered admitting her to one.

Not only that, but think of the responsibility to carry the Son of God. Ever since man sinned, God promised a Savior, a Messiah to set people free from the power of the mess they got themselves into. Now finally, thousands of years and hundreds of prophecies later, little Mary is chosen to be the channel to bring this Messiah into the world. I was feeling under-qualified and inadequate for my work here, I wonder how she felt? The favor brings a huge responsibility. And a choice. Mary could have said "no", she could have refused at the start or given up partway through. So many people are given a seed of favor, but the process of carrying that favor before the world can see the fruit is beyond difficult. Many people miscarry or abort it before seeing it through to fruition.

For me, God has shown me favor by placing me to be His hands, feet, heart, and love to 30 orphans in Africa. He promised to take care of the fatherless, and He chose me to be the channel through which He cares for these precious ones. It's hard, some days harder than I want to deal with—the kids have emotional scars that show themselves either in lashing out and fighting or clamming up and hiding, most of them are not saved, they have serious issues with disrespect, disobedience, dishonesty, they are demanding and rude, they have so many needs that I just feel like I can't meet, and some days I'm ready to abort this favor, pack up my bags, and go home. How can little me take on this huge responsibility? I dream of a beautiful children's center, where the kids love God and voluntarily spend time in prayer and worship, they get along with each other and put each other first, they share and are not selfish, they take on responsibilities and follow through without expecting payment, they speak the truth all the time, they pray for the sick and see miracles, they grow up to be powerful men of God and change the world around them, they are well prepared for life and are equipped to live their dreams to be car mechanics or doctors… It just seems like a long way to go to get to that point.

It's a matter of carrying the favor, and not miscarrying before all can see the fruit. I just need to live in hope of seeing God's mercies new every morning, faith that He has called me and will make me adequate for the work, and accept the favor along with the promise it brings, no matter how difficult the journey.

Creativity and God

Invariably, whenever we would speak at a church, someone would come up to us and say, "Have you heard of the ____ method?" They would go on to tell us about how many people are being saved using that method... Lol, can you think of anything more American than a process for the Gospel?

Before He was anything else to mankind, God was Creator. He created everything we see, yet people think He would be willing to use the same method over and over again to save people? That would be so boring for Him - 2000 years of the same thing...

As it is, I've never run into two people who were saved the same way. Even here in Africa, where mass conversions are all the rage, each person has a different story about what brought them to the point of raising their hands. It's important to realize this so we don't judge others. Few Christians have problems with miracles happening in Africa; many more have problems with miracles in their backyard. If we think the only way God is going to reach America is through many years of Sunday School meetings and youth camps, we will never be looking at how God wants to use us each day. Similarly, if we think the Gospel can only go out through the Romans Road or the Spiritual Laws, we'll be flat out missing countless opportunities to show love, bring hope, or demonstrate God's power. And if we're always looking to demonstrate God's power, we can miss the smaller times He just wants to show his grace, mercy, or love.